If I could give a message to high school seniors and their parents, I would tell them that a college choice (or a non-college choice) is not a report card on 13 years of education or 18 years of parenting. There is no final judgment. As with every stage of life, the key is finding the right fit for the next stage of personal development. It’s not about what sounds good to your friends and relatives. It’s about what is going to help you grow and thrive.
I’m finishing my third round of this process as a parent of a graduating senior, and I have some hard-earned lessons I hope can help other soon-to-be grads and their nervously hovering parents through what seems like a monumental decision: Where next?
The right answer all comes down to fit. What culture, environment and people are the right fit for you? How to evaluate the vibe of different campuses? How to know where you will feel at home and find your people?
I can’t give you answers. But I can give you resources and tips to help you through what can seem like a perplexing and fateful decision. This is real life, so there is no perfect: every choice has its trade-offs. The best you can do is to do your research and make the choice that is best aligned with what is important to you.
Bottom line, there are two parts to this process: 1) what are differences among my college options and 2) what is important to me in my college experience?
There’s a tendency at the end of this painful process to give a hasty yes to the highest-ranked college you get into (i.e. the one that sounds most impressive to others). I don’t recommend this approach, any more than I recommend choosing an employer based on job title or a life partner based on their resume. You will be living at this campus with these people for four years. It’s worth taking a pause to evaluate whether day-to-day reality of it is a good fit for you.
Don’t rush the choice. You have until May 1 to decide. Getting to the values part of this equation is digging in to who you are. I know you are worn out by the process and just want it to be over. But being an admitted student is the fun part. You are no longer desperately (but trying not to sound desperate) begging for approval. They chose YOU. Let them tell you what they have to offer. They are eager to answer your questions.
Take time to look at your choices side by side. Every one has pros and cons. Maybe this campus is your favorite, but that one has a better department for your major. Maybe this one has great school spirit, but you aren’t really into the hard-core party culture of campus life. Maybe you like the small size here, but that bigger school has more ethnic diversity.
It is true that you can and will find your people anywhere. But it can be more comfortable if the culture you seek is the dominant culture of the school. You could be one of the few artsy people in a sporty school. Or one of the few nature lovers in an urban crowd. But you are likely to feel more integrated if you pick a school with more people who value what you value. …
